Our Gated Community.

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Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:53 pm

This is for the little mockup here so you know what I'm writing is about. I'll post each chapter as a post inside this thread. Now, I do warn you, it's not violent or anything as of yet, but I plan on making it rather gory. At the moment, the story doesn't seem to have anything Zombie related, and you'll see why.

My story is more than likely gonna throw you off unless you understand references to video games and such. I wanna keep it as simple as possible, but with very deeply rooted references for the hardcore, those who enjoy a good book.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:59 pm

Chapter 1

“Aw fuck yeah!”
I screamed. You see, for the longest time I’ve ever been playing Guitar Hero, I’ve always wanted to Dragonforce. For those who don’t know, “Dragonforcing” is a term coined as being skilled enough to play “Through the Fire and the Flames” on Expert without failing the song. I had finally gotten past that stupid, fucking intro that has you in an arm flailing seizure fit by the time you get half way through. The guy sitting on his bed, with the look and determination of nothing more than to be the best at any video game he plays, that would be me. 21 years old, no current girlfriend, not many friends, and not really getting anywhere with his life, other than his gamerscore.

The song ends near, and my face, dripping with perspiration, fingers sliding all over the plastic guitar I shredded with like a god; I was going to complete this song and finally have the proof on the leader boards with a high score. The song finishes out its final notes, and the crowd goes ape-shit with applause. I, in my stunned and utterly surprised state, couldn’t believe it. I had finally done it. That song no longer haunted me.
All of a sudden, the power to the house shuts off. I snap back to reality in an even more shock that felt alien to me. It’s that kind of shock that sends signals to your brain screaming “YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!”

Sitting alone in my once red rope light-lit game room, which has now been enveloped in darkness.
“NO!!!” I scream in a defeated state.
“MOTHERFUCKER!”

The words erupted from my mouth. I grab my shitty little plastic guitar from around my neck and throw it across the room. It smashes into pieces as it collides with the closet door. I lay on my side, face down into my pillow. For five minutes, a lament I felt deserved a proper military sound off, with the guns and everything was consuming my mind. I take in a deep breath and slump myself up in a half-assed Indian style sit up.

With my eyes adjusting to the dark, I scan the floor to make sure I didn’t break my neck and end up like my guitar. I walk downstairs into the basement to check the breaker. I open the box and a myriad of switches appears before me.
“Holy shit, they’re all down.”
I flip one up, and it immediately goes back down. I stand there, confounded. I flip up a few more, checking all of them, and to no avail, they all switch back down. Frustrated by the blatantly aggravating situation I’ve been faced with, I grab all 10 switches, and flip them up. In the quick, not-so-much-ninja-like reflexes I thought I had, I drop the flash light from my mouth, and it breaks.
“Son of a bitch… Seriously, can today get any worse?”
I’d never truly grasped the validity of these words until what happened next. A thunderous explosion that knocked me on my ass shook the house entirely. My basement had small windows to see outside, and around them, all I could see was a bright, white light. I ran and grabbed the corner of the doorway, swung a left turn, and slammed the door shut behind me. Glass, pieces of the wall and the door exploded and splintered from my exit. It happened so fast, I’m still convinced I pulled the door off its hinges.
Just me and what was left of the shrapnel filled killing floor, stood still. Ears continued ringing, I held myself up against the wall with my hand feeling for any rumbling that could further escalate into my demise. Upon closer inspection, the breaker was holding on by a thread, which amazes me, looking at the rest of the room. The washer, dryer, water heater, etc, had holes all throughout, and were leaking and smoking. I open the basement door, and as I walk up the steps, I stare at what is now a dark sunset skyline. The entire house had been single handed brought down from whatever just happened.


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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:04 pm

CHAPTER 2

With mouth agape, staring at the dark red sky, a fiery mushroom cloud from the East catches my eye. The curvature of the bulb and thick rings of smoke that surround it would leave one speechless. I suddenly come back from wherever I was and drew a deep breath. The sound of sirens fills the air. Police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, weather sirens, anything that could make noise really fought for superiority of my ears.

“What in the hell is going on?!”

Fighter jets in a “flying V” formation pass over the house and break the sound barrier as they pass. The few last standing bricks of the house collapse to the ground.

“Awesome...”

A big, red truck with a roaring engine comes into view down the street. A man is sticking out of the passenger window, waving a gun around. They drift around the corner; the wheels on the left side of the vehicle almost leave the pavement. As they pass, the crazed gunman showing off his pistol takes aim at me, but never fires.

“GET OUTTA TOWN WHILE YOU CAN!” The passenger yelled at me, or probably anyone who was listening.

I didn’t know what to make of the situation. My new house has been demolished; my car is turned over in the neighbor’s yard, and most of all, I never will get credit for completing the hardest song of any Guitar Hero game. I reluctantly stare at my house. Everything I own is in there… somewhere. Searching through the rubble of where my shelf and closet used to be, I found a few changes of clothes and a black bag I kept my paintball equipment in.
I put a cigarette in my mouth and light it up. After turning a full 360 degrees, I made the decision to head towards the mushroom cloud. I never really knew any other route. It was the only path I could walk or drive without getting lost. As I walk along the sidewalk, I’m watching people pack their stuff and frantically rushing to leave the area. I almost become a hood ornament when a man in his Humvee floored it from his property.

“WHAT THE FUCK’S YOUR PROBLEM?!”

The man seemed unaffected by my words. A few more steps and I look down to realize that if I go any further, I’ll be walking in a ditch. The sidewalk had ended, and a 500 foot horizontal ditch lay behind the houses from when storms used to get really bad back in the 1970’s and 80’s. I dart my eyes to the left in disbelief. I officially start my journey in the lane of oncoming traffic so I’ll be able to switch sides when cars are coming.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:11 pm

Chapter 1 -- I like this but it seems to go really fast. I think you should work on building the suspense a little more intricately. It seems to go from winning Guitar Hero into getting blown to shit without much building to it. I want to relate more to what the character is feeling. Does the character have a name? Your intro is brilliant though. "Aw Fuck Yeah" grabs you and pulls you in.
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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:20 pm

Chapter 2 -- This story is very interesting even to the non-gamer. You are pulling me in but I want to feel what the character is feeling just a little more. I can imagine his heart is racing. What is he planning? What does he think is happening? I feel more like I am watching someone play this game than actually playing it myself.
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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:22 pm

“Fuck all this walking, man.” I never was one for intense exercise… or walking anywhere, really.

“Awesome, a gas station; I’m sure the owner won’t mind me taking a couple things…”

I walk over to the gas station, hoping there’s something to eat inside. The windows have been smashed out, and the doors are off their hinges.

“Savages!” I could hear my brain making a quick observation.

“Hello? Is anyone in here?” A few steps more and I’m standing at the entrance, looking into a dimly lit convenient store. No one answers; it looks safe to enter.

“Oh man,” I exclaimed.

“I don’t know if I should feel lucky or disappointed that no one’s taken all the slices of pizza they keep in the rotary oven. “

Scanning the aisles, I spot an unopened can of Pringles. I rip into the can, devouring handfuls of stacks of the salty snack. In amidst to all of the crunching and noise drowning the potato chip was causing, I could hear what sounded like a sneaker scuff the floor. I drop the can and reach around my back for my paintball gun sling.

“I have a paintball gun, full of marbles and metallic ball bearings, and they fucking hurt!”

Silence once again overtakes the store. I hear another sound from behind a shelf. I quick turn to check in front and behind; nothing turns up. I walk backwards towards the entrance, checking all around me. Trying to imitate the way a soldier would, I turn a quick 180 degrees once I realize I’ve been backing my way up to the exit. A blur suddenly spears me from the left. They’re pressing their hands against my face, and I can’t see.

“Get off of me!”

Their hand shifts, and I catch a glimpse of who is on top of me. It’s dark, but I make out a woman, red hair, about shoulder-length. A quick punch to the face again obscures my vision. I face my assailant again, and see a sharp knife in her hand above her head. I struggle and rock side to side, disrupting her balance. My mind starts racing, maybe this is what people mean when they say their life’s flashing before their eyes.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The end of my life stops and I look up, their face in disgust.

“Oh my God, you’re a fucking pervert.”

I take this time to grab her by the throat, and push her off of me. I stand up quickly and retrieve my paintball gun.

“No, what’s wrong with you! You jump on me and try to kill me, and out of nowhere you stop, so again, what the fuck’s wrong with you?”

She laughs in a sneering tone.

“What’s so funny?”

“Do you always pitch a tent when you’re in a fight?”

I give her a confused look.

“What does that mean, a tent, what the hell?”

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks, in the midst of all the action and flashbacking I did wrestling with this psycho, I had unknowingly gotten an erection. My face turns red.

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t been all up on me like that.” I try to save face.

She stifles her laughter. My face turns even redder; my face could easily blend in with her hair. I change subjects.

“So, what are you doing out here?” I asked.

“Trying to survive, keeping my ass alive. I can’t do that with you here.” She replied.

“I didn’t mean you any harm. I’ve been on the road all day, and it’s almost sundown. “

My face starts to go back to its pale origins. I scan over her again. I’m sure once you get past the wall of crazy that she hides behind, I’m sure she’s somewhat bearable to deal with.

“So, what’s your name?” She abruptly asks.

“Uh, Logan!” I reply quickly, but feel stupid the way I jumped on the question.

“What’s yours?” I ask back, trying to be courteous.

“Hm, wouldn’t you like to know?” She replies snidely.

“Not to add insult to injury, but I’m sure you’d burst if I told you.”

“Wow.” That’s all I could muster, my face turns red again.

“It wasn’t like I could control it… Ever heard of adrenaline?” I’m digging such a deep hole for myself.

“Ah, I see.” She replies sarcastically.

“The name’s Morgan.”

I start making quick, spastic movements and weird groaning noises. Her eyes grow wide; almost looking genuinely worried.

“Are you okay?!” She asks as a concerned look washes over her face.

“Oh, well, I’m ‘bursting’. ‘Cuz you said… Uh, yeah. Fuck.” I say in a sarcastic manner.
I imagine throwing myself under a bus, just to end my embarrassment.

“Uuuh, yeah, this has been... fun. I think I’ll stop while I’m ahead and uh, leave you alone now.”

“No, please don’t.” She was scared. I felt relieved that I wasn’t the only one.

“What?” I ask, confused.

“Please don’t leave me by myself. I don’t really have anyone else.”
Even though I was relieved, it felt out of place to jump to the “Damsel in Distress” thing so quickly.

“I thought you couldn’t wait to get me out of here, like this was your… base or something, and I was gonna take all the heavy weapons.”

“Heavy weapons?”

“Yeah, you know… like, video games… Like…” Again, I want to throw myself under a moving vehicle.

“You know what, forget it. If you’re coming with me, then come on.”

I go behind the counter and grab several packs of cigarettes for the long road ahead. If this was just a pre-cursor to my journey getting worse, I’m gonna need’em.
We step outside to assess the situation at hand, giving ourselves a good, long look before setting off towards our possible demise. I grab a cigarette and light it up.

“Hey,” I say to Morgan somewhat embarrassed still.

“Sorry for uh… tryin’ to bone ya back there.”

“Oh, it’s cool.” She crookedly smiles at me.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:44 pm

Chapter 3 -- That is more like it. Very good with the character relation just needs to be a little more suspenseful. Oh and I loled. Sorry.
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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:25 am

Queen Mud wrote:Chapter 3 -- That is more like it. Very good with the character relation just needs to be a little more suspenseful. Oh and I loled. Sorry.

Yeah, I saw that you were worried about the characters, so I knew from Chapter 3 that you'd really enjoy getting a more fleshed out idea for where the story is headed, comedy wise. I hope to make it darker than it is.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:47 am

FagglesMcGee wrote:
Queen Mud wrote:Chapter 3 -- That is more like it. Very good with the character relation just needs to be a little more suspenseful. Oh and I loled. Sorry.

Yeah, I saw that you were worried about the characters, so I knew from Chapter 3 that you'd really enjoy getting a more fleshed out idea for where the story is headed, comedy wise. I hope to make it darker than it is.

You're going to have to make the main character a little darker then. Wood from getting attacked is fine but the paintball gun may be a little lulzy.
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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:33 am

Queen Mud wrote:
FagglesMcGee wrote:
Queen Mud wrote:Chapter 3 -- That is more like it. Very good with the character relation just needs to be a little more suspenseful. Oh and I loled. Sorry.

Yeah, I saw that you were worried about the characters, so I knew from Chapter 3 that you'd really enjoy getting a more fleshed out idea for where the story is headed, comedy wise. I hope to make it darker than it is.

You're going to have to make the main character a little darker then. Wood from getting attacked is fine but the paintball gun may be a little lulzy.

The boner thing was an accident on the character's part, he wasn't trying to get hard on purpose, it just happened. The paintball thing may be lulzy, but what I've got lined up for it will knock the lulz factor out of it. Although, I might have something else funny lined up with it.

I really wanted to take the approach that you find more about the main character as you go along, but wanting to know more, you've inspired me to put a flashback in between the boner incident, so it fleshes him out more.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:49 am

Very Good
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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Guest on Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:11 am

:)

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  J3TChick on Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:27 pm

I am very much inpressed. You are doing a really good job here! I am really liking the story! Keep it coming. I will read thru it again, and give you some critiquing if you would like. Queen Mud is our resident critic, lol, and she it good at it! And I mean that in a nice way... she is very good at giving useful suggestions. I appreciate all she says.

Also, there is a website that you can post your work at that other people can go in and read and rate your book as well. If you are interested, let me know and I will post a link to it. I have my book posted there.

Again you are doing a great job!!!!

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  zamora on Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:09 am

I'm by no means a "gamer" but so far, I'm with you here. Sounds good, the suggestions that have been made so far are right on the money. If you need someone to proof it for grammatical errors, spelling...etc, let me know. I was an English major in College and I can't help it. LOL!

Keep on writing!

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:46 pm

zamora wrote:I'm by no means a "gamer" but so far, I'm with you here. Sounds good, the suggestions that have been made so far are right on the money. If you need someone to proof it for grammatical errors, spelling...etc, let me know. I was an English major in College and I can't help it. LOL!

Keep on writing!

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I'm definitely looking for any kind of criticism I can find. If you see a grammatical error, then by all means, Gestapo my work.

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  FagglesMcGee on Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:29 am

“How long’ve we been moving?” Morgan asks.
“I’m not sure. Feels like eternity, though.”
“We gotta find somewhere to sleep.” Morgan says.
“Yeah, everything around here is all kinds of fucked up though. We’ll have to push on.”
“We need to find a car or something; I don’t know how much farther I can walk. It’s been hours since we’ve eaten anything.”
Morgan sits down on the curb of the abandoned street; I notice her grabbing at her chest, breathing heavily.
“You alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just need a minute.” Morgan says quickly as she exhales.
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone, but we’re in an abandoned neighborhood. There
HAS to be a car sitting in a garage somewhere. I’m sure some idiot thought it was a good idea to leave his keys in the visor or something.”
“I’ll be fine, I’m not going anywhere, trust me.” She laughs with a slight wheeze.
“I’ll be back in 5 minutes, tops.”
I place my paintball gun in my hand. I feel so stupid, using it as a weapon. Even someone’s grandmother is packing heat out there somewhere, and here I am, substituting ammunition with round pieces of reinforced glass. So vulnerable, I don’t belong out here. I quickly shake it off, and lean up next to the edge of a building, and check the corner. I spot what looks like someone propped up against the building, motionless. I walk over and kick their foot slightly. The body makes a groan and slides face down onto the pavement.
“Fuck!” I step back and take a deep breath.
I kneel down and lay them on their back. I shake them; Nothing. I take out my lighter and pan it over the corpse.
“Shit, someone did a number on you, huh?” I oddly feel content, filling the silent air with conversations with the dead. The red splotches with trails of blood shows he must’ve been gunned down.
“Must’ve been a homeless guy, he reeks of piss and body odor.” I make a note under my breath.
I stand back up and look to my right.
“Oooh, what’s this?”
I lay my eyes on a sweet ass looking Escalade. The back lights are on, and the door is ajar. I open it slowly, and take a look inside. It seems empty. I notice the keys are in the ignition.
“Seriously, this couldn’t get any better.”
I slam the door shut and put it into drive. The sound of twisting metal and breaking parts sounds off and scares me as I hit the gas.
“What the hell?” I get out, looking to see what happened.
“A boot? SERIOUSLY, A FUCKING BOOT?” There it was; the yellow contraption, bolted to the car. Some asshole thought he could just own his ride without paying for it, so the city one upped his ass, and locked the front left tire into place so they couldn’t drive it.
I throw my head back in disappointment. The sudden scare and the frustration hit me, and I punch the window out of the door to keep from having a breakdown.
“I couldn’t have said it better.” The irony couldn’t be more obvious.
“There’s nothing here, I’ve trailed two blocks, and nothing.”
I head back. I start to tell Morgan the bad news as I near the corner.
“I looked for two blocks, and couldn’t find anythi-“
My voice stopped; I turned the corner. My eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing.
“Logan!” Morgan cried quietly; she’s standing on the tips of her toes.
A large, black man is holding her by her hair. About 6’2; easily over 200 pounds. It was almost unnoticeable at first, but 5 other large men stepped out from the shadows, into the light that radiates from the street lamp. They’re standing behind the big one, all wielding some kind of melee weapon. The one holding a baseball bat is covered in blood; His bat laying down what was now their law; his wifebeater proves it. The sound of his voice comes into focus, and my eyes dart right back into his direction.
“Logan, huh? Are you the motherfucker that fucked up my Escalade?”
I stutter and mumble, trying to get out one word.
“What’s that?”
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know-“
“Didn’t know?!” His voice gets louder; His tone becomes scarier.
The sound of the thump in my chest drowns out all the noise. Sounds and voices are like echoes in a cathedral, reverberating all throughout the halls, becoming distorted and drowned; intelligible. Everything goes silent, so silent that my ears are ringing. I look at Morgan as she’s thrown to the ground. The leader comes at me. I still have my paintball gun in hand. I pull it up to fire off a few shots, and nothing happens. The trigger just loosely sways back and forth at the touch of my hand. I forgot to cock the gun back. I jump back and turn in one move. I start running away, but the paintball incident messed up the jumpstart on my escape. My shirt gets pulled back, I start to choke, and fall backwards. The back of my head smacks the concrete, my vision is blurry.
“You gonna shoot me, motherfucker?” His right leg swings back. It makes contact with my ribcage. The others run over and join in. I can feel their shoes trying their hardest to leave their logos permanently imprinted on my skin.
In the midst of all the beating, I see through my forearms, someone stumbling out of the alley. They make a coughing sound, and it catches the gang’s attention.
“Yo man, get the fuck outta here, this don’t concern you.”
The dark figure continues to limp towards the gang. It makes a growl, almost demonic sounding.
“I fuckin’ told yo’ bitch ass, now you gonna get some too!” He snaps at the guy with the baseball bat. He gladly tosses it to the leader.
“You got 3 seconds to leave.” He stands with his legs shoulder length apart.
“1…” The figure keeps walking.
“2…” I could hear a slight change of tone in the leader’s voice. It’s almost like he’s becoming timid.
“This dude smells like piss, stank ass motherfucker.”
My eyes widened when he said that. There’s no way it could be. The figure steps outs into a better light. The plaid shirt riddled with bullet wounds.
“No fucking way, he’s dead.” I try to pick myself up, but the gang keeps me pinned to the ground. The dark figure leans back with his hands up in front of his chest, it lets out a scream like I’ve never heard before. A banshee-like exhale.
“Hard ass motherfucker. 3.” The leader takes a swing at the man. The bat makes a crisp cracking sound as it collides with his skull. He goes down and starts twitching.
“Oh shit.” The guy previously wielding the bat says in a chuckle.
“HOME RUN!” The leader throws his arms out like he’s impressed with himself.
“Ain’t that right, white boy?” He kicks me in the side again.
The leader kneels down and pulls my head up by my hair.
“You see her? I’m gonna fuck the shit out of her, and you’re gonna watch.”
“Looks like we got another fan, dude.”
The leader slams my head down, my brow splits open and starts to bleed.
“Hey bitch, what you want?”
I look up and see a woman wearing a skirt and button-up dress shirt, from the quick glimpse I got; it was a Catholic School girl. She shuffles towards everyone just like the homeless guy did. I look around a little more, and notice more people are shuffling their way towards our position. They’re all growling, like they’re possessed. I’m trying to process what the hell’s going on.
“Yo, what the fuck, man? They all fucked up.” The guy covered in blood makes an obvious observation.
Right after his expert opinion was expressed, a pair of arms comes from behind him, in between his arms, like someone is embracing him from behind, like a loved one would. It was another woman. She bites into his neck, and rips out the right side of his throat. He falls to the ground, screaming in terrible pain. It wasn’t clear what was going on until now. This was a Zombie Apocalypse.
“Fuck this shit, man!” One of the other thugs starts to run away, but one Zombie sees him, and starts to charge him.
The Zombie catches his shirt, digging into his back like a parasite, forever hooked onto its host. The thug trips and falls, busting his head open on the curb. The other three run into the shadows, followed by Zombies gaining an incredible speed. The leader of the gang walks up to the horde, trying to beef himself up and scare them away. I manage to pick myself up off the ground, and walk over to Morgan. She lies there, breathing heavily. I’ve seen this before; she was having a panic attack. I wipe the blood from my eye.
“Can you walk?” She doesn’t even hear my voice. She’s paralyzed with fear. Shaking like she’s having a seizure.
“MORGAN!” She snaps out of wherever she was.
“CAN YOU WALK?!” She gives me a confused look.
I hold out my hand to pick her up. She stands up, only to have her knees buckle and give out. She faints; I catch her before she hits the ground.
“Fuck, this is just what I need.”
I pick her up and hoist her over my shoulders. She was incredibly light; I could barely tell she was even there. It seems as though my eyes have adjusted to the dark quite well since coming back from the Escalade. I now see a car almost fully concealed in another alleyway, parallel to where we were coming from. There’s just two Zombies currently in front us.
“About a couple hundred feet, give or take.” I set Morgan down and pick up my paintball gun. I cock it back, almost smirking at the thought of remembering it now. I check the pressure in the gun. It looks good, but I don’t wanna bullshit my way with wherever I’m at right now. I turn the pressure valve I installed on the bottom of the gun to the right, increasing the pressure to 550 PSI. To anyone who’s ever played, you’d never want to get shot with that much force. It’ll break skin easily. I line up my shots, but wait for the Zombies to get closer. I step forward; I aim down my sights. One Zombie begins to sprint in my direction. I take a few shots; I can hear the ball bearings and marbles cracking the skull and bones. A couple more rounds later, and one bearing makes a clean break through the frontal lobe of the brain; the Zombie drops dead instantly.
I look to my right; The Zombie is making a charge for Morgan. While walking forward, I begin to strafe right as well, landing shots on the neck, busting the carotid artery. The spray from the neck is massive; I can hear it spilling on the ground. I wipe my eye again, and start to worry. The zombie is less than 50 feet from our position. Standing directly in front of Morgan; I line up my shots, the loader sounds half full; I’m wasting too many shots. I unleash what seems like an infinite amount of bullets into the Zombie. I look again; the zombie is closing in. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. I fire one more burst, all in unison following the same path. Everything slows down, and my eyes follow the uniform trail of trajectory. The first of many collides with the Zombie’s left eye. It goes straight through; The Zombies head jerks back. The rest follow through. The Zombie falls to the ground and hits its head hard on the pavement. The sudden stop shakes a few marbles loose from the ocular cavity. Blood and fragments of round glass leak from the now deceased’s head.
“No fucking way. Just like out of a fucking movie or some shit.”
I pick Morgan back up, over my shoulders. I make my way to the car and open the door. I sit Morgan in the passenger’s seat, and close the doors. I take a quick breath in, and can’t believe what I’ve just been through. I grip the steering wheel, just wanting to be anywhere but here. I remember that I need the keys. The sound of the leader cries out as he’s being devoured right behind me.
“Keys, keys, keys, keys…” I mumble under my breath just to keep my sanity.
I check the visor, no keys. There were no keys in the ignition either. I look back; the leader is dead. There’s no way I could go outside with so many feasting. I dart my eyes left; my bullshit meter off the charts.
I psych myself up to get out and retrieve the keys. I open the door and start to turn my body when all of a sudden, the front door shuts immediately. A shadowy figure walks past the car.
“Oh shit!” My brain tries to comprehend the sudden scare.
I look back, and a dark figure continues walking towards the feast.
“Hey! Who’s hungry?” The interloper screams at the Zombies.
The sound of gunfire erupts; the intense muzzle flash acts as a strobe light, giving split second glimpses of what they look like. Red shirt, Camo pants and seething hatred that showed all too well what he was dealing with. The Zombies lie motionless on the ground. He kicks the leader onto his back, and rifles through his pockets.
“I can’t believe it.” I watch as they turn back around with the keys in hand.
Another session of gunfire erupts from his automatic. He mows down ten more Zombies as they sprint towards him.
“OPEN THE DOOR!” He yells.
I fling the door open, unknowingly hitting a Zombie. I was too scared to even realize it. I move my seat forward and the man jumps in the back.
“Here.” He throws the keys into my lap.
I fumble with the keys, dropping them once.
“Shut the door, man!” I completely forgot, trying to get away as quick as possible.
I shut the door and get a grip on the keys. The car turns over and I put it into drive.
“Thank you so much for getting the keys.” I felt it was necessary to tell him at that very moment.
“You tryin’ to make friends or something, fucking go!”
“Right.” I hit the gas and run over a Zombie.
Tunnel vision sets in as I push the gas pedal into the floor of the car. We reach a desolate stretch of road, and I return to reality.
“Slow the fuck down, dude. Get us all killed or some shit.”
I slam on the brake, and the guy in the back hits my seat. The car flings him back into his seat.
“OW!”
Sorry… Didn’t mean to try to kill you right there. I’m actually thankful you came along.”
“Yeah yeah yeah…” He lights up a cigarette as he resituates himself.
“So… What’s your name?”
“Mark.” He says as he drags on his cigarette.

FagglesMcGee

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Re: Our Gated Community.

Post  Dipshit on Sat Oct 16, 2010 7:57 am

You did a great job in setting the tone you're going for in this chapter. It's now very dark and causes the reader to think "Oh shit, these guys are fucked!" I'm looking forward to what's coming.
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Re: Our Gated Community.

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